{"id":1494,"date":"2021-06-30T23:21:12","date_gmt":"2021-06-30T23:21:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sphereofinfluence360.com\/?p=1494"},"modified":"2023-12-13T12:39:12","modified_gmt":"2023-12-13T12:39:12","slug":"stop-explaining-a-how-to-guide","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sphereofinfluence360.com\/nl\/stop-explaining-a-how-to-guide\/","title":{"rendered":"Stop Explaining! A How-To Guide"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Maar door en door en door praten als je je ongemakkelijk voelt, is dat iets dat jij bij jezelf herkent? De neiging om uit te wijden en zaken te herformuleren tot je je luisteraar de oren van het hoofd hebt gekletst?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Als je nu aan het knikken bent, dan weet je waarschijnlijk ook al dat je iemand bent die de neiging heeft door te schieten in het geven van uitleg.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Het goede nieuws is dat dit gedrag vaak voor komt. Helaas neemt het niet weg dat anderen het echt vervelend kunnen vinden. Mijn vermoeden is dat dat niet het effect is dat je beoogt te bereiken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Today, I\u2019ll explain (concisely) why it happens, and how it links to stress. I\u2019ll show you how you stop detailing endlessly, give yourself a break, and improve your chances of getting that point across.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Overexplaining Syndrome: Its Link With Stress<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Just like <a href=\"https:\/\/thriveglobal.com\/stories\/feeling-tense-3-ways-to-feel-less-stressed\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">muscle tension<\/a>, rumination, and sleepiness can all be signs that you\u2019re overburdened, endlessly explaining is very much a symptom of stress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s particularly common in social situations, and especially when we\u2019re feeling intimidated, vulnerable, or otherwise uncomfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We might bombard others with explanations because we\u2019re subconsciously:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Attempting to win their approval<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Trying to make them happy<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Waiting for some reassuring signal from them, or even<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Worried that we\u2019ll be misunderstood &#8211; especially if miscommunications have happened before.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Offering more detail, we mistakenly believe, is a way to secure that validation. Because we\u2019re anxious or stressed, we go a little overboard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Doesn\u2019t Clarity = Impact?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Clarifying with sufficient detail can be important for workplace alignment, or in any social setting. When we account for our actions or statements, we also invite others to understand our perspectives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Unfortunately, overexplaining has the opposite impact. It can:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Irritate our listeners<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Take the weight away from our message<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Make us seem insecure<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Stifle creativity<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Detract from our credibility, or<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Distract others, who are either crafting their exit strategies or lost along the way.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>How Does It Link To Stress?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>According to psychologist Dr. Walker, endlessly explaining is a stress coping mechanism rooted in the \u2018fawn response.\u2019 Fawning, a term he coined, is an unconscious attempt to act in ways that are exceptionally socially desirable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>By succumbing to others needs, interests, or wants, we\u2019re inadvertently trying to escape some perceived threat by being overly accommodating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cWith so many good reasons on the table\u201d, we might think, \u201chow can they possibly object?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Maybe you\u2019re guilty of overexplaining, and perhaps you\u2019ve even tried explaining that behavior, too. For a better solution, here are 3 tips for my Endlessly Explaining <a href=\"https:\/\/sphereofinfluence360.com\/nl\/stress\/\">Coaching Card<\/a> to help you fix the problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>3 Ways To Stop Endlessly Explaining<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>At its core, overexplaining is often a sign that we\u2019re seeking validation. It\u2019s rather like a deep-seated, unconscious need to give others reasons (too many) to approve of us or take us seriously.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Otherwise put, it\u2019s a sign that we may be excessively focused on our listener\u2019s wishes, needs, and opinions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To change that, we can simply change our focus &#8211; to ourselves. These 3 tips will help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color\" style=\"color:#7e3191\"><strong>1.&nbsp;Develop More Self-Awareness<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>While we may not be able to control others thoughts or opinions of us, we can influence a good deal of our own behaviors and cognitions through self-awareness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>By taking more notice of your thoughts and tendencies, you can become more self aware, which often makes for much simpler, clear, assertive, and concise communication. With more self-awareness, you can practice more deliberate, clear communication rather than explaining away on autopilot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One way to cultivate more self-awareness is by doing new things. For example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Take yourself on a local adventure:<\/strong> Exploring a nearby neighborhood, eating in a new cafe, or catching a bus out of town can be great ways to break out of your regular routines. This \u2018micro travel\u2019 also makes \u201cyou\u201d your focus and puts you in unfamiliar situations, strengthening your self-awareness.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Develop a fresh skill: <\/strong>A new activity, hobby, or challenge can stimulate different neural pathways as you think and respond to novel demands. As you adopt a \u2018beginners mindset\u2019 or learning mentality, you\u2019ll open up new perspectives, build psychological flexibility, and become more aware of yourself. Why not swim if you often walk, or try your hand at sculpting?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color\" style=\"color:#7e3191\"><strong>2.&nbsp;Ban the \u201cButs\u201d and \u201cBecauses\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>An overexplainer\u2019s diatribe is often frequently riddled with \u201cBut\u2019s\u201d and \u201cBecause\u2019s\u201d &#8211; have you ever noticed?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A very straightforward way to stop yourself from explaining away tirelessly is by paying attention to how often you use these two B words. Then, just stop yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Instead, consider how you might rephrase your message in one or two concise sentences. This trick works great in the moment and even after you\u2019ve finished speaking. How will you keep it short and sweet next time?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color\" style=\"color:#7e3191\"><strong>3.&nbsp;Try Asking Instead<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>If you think you overexplain because you\u2019re worried that you haven\u2019t made yourself clear, asking for reassurance is just as effective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Instead of assuming your listener needs more detail, why not check with them directly?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Try:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><em>\u201cDo you have any questions?\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><em>\u201cWhat have I missed?\u201d or<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><em>\u201cWould you like to know more about _?\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Have you found yourself talking on and on\u2026 and on when you\u2019re uncomfortable? If you\u2019re guilty of detailing, rephrasing, reiterating, expanding, or expounding till your listener\u2019s ears drop off, you probably know you\u2019re overexplaining. It\u2019s not an uncommon behavior, but it can be a real bore for others, and I\u2019m guessing that\u2019s not your intended [&hellip;]<\/p>","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1502,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[48,41],"tags":[501,500,502,332,499,498,497,174,216,496],"class_list":["post-1494","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-stress-cards","category-stress-management","tag-assertiveness-training","tag-clarity-in-communication","tag-concise-speaking","tag-effective-communication","tag-fawn-response","tag-overexplaining","tag-seeking-validation","tag-self-awareness","tag-social-anxiety","tag-stress-coping-mechanisms"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Stop Explaining! 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