If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a behavioral specialist \u2013 it’s that we aren’t mind readers. Did you need an interaction consultant to tell you that? I highly doubt it, but you’d be surprised at how often my colleagues and I find ourselves digging into different cases of miscommunication, only to find assumptions at their root. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In fact, I\u2019ve got an example from my personal experience to illustrate. Admittedly, it\u2019s a cute and innocent story, but it illustrates my point. In this story\u2014I was apparently a sushi chef. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nicolien the Sushi Chef<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n According to the story\u2014which my step-kids had taken as given\u2014I was very busy at work in a sushi restaurant during my live as a student. Allegedly, I spent a great deal of time training and preparing nigiri, sashimi, maki, and what have you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now I\u2019ve been a dancer, a consultant, trainer, and entrepreneur, but never a sushi chef. Yet simply because I could roll up a platter at parties, my step-kids believed I\u2019d done the training, pursued the career, and now worked nights at Sushi Express or Nobu. Truth is, I\u2019d only learned from an Indonesian-Chinese friend of mine, but they believed this for years<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And the thing is, we make assumptions all the time on a daily basis \u2013 maybe even hourly. What do you think happens when our assumptions are not so harmless?<\/p>\n\n\n\n My story begs the question: what do we know, and what do we think <\/em>we know? How much of our behavior and interactions are based on guesswork about the people we work with?<\/p>\n\n\n\n What Kind of Assumptions?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Assumptions have many forms; but they tend to cover the following:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Motives<\/strong>\u2013 We assume we understand the rationale for someone\u2019s behavior;<\/p>\n\n\n\n Expectations <\/strong>–\u201cKris is a very busy lady, she must want me to do this work as fast as possible<\/em>\u201d;<\/p>\n\n\n\n Thoughts <\/strong>\u2013\u201cFilip is telling me about lay-offs, he\u2019s thinking about firing me\u201d; <\/em>and<\/p>\n\n\n\n Assumptions <\/strong>\u2013 Yes, sometimes, we assume we know other people\u2019s assumptions too. <\/p>\n\n\n\n But do we really know what\u2019s going on in other people\u2019s minds? The safest guess to make would be NO. So,<\/p>\n\n\n\n For communication to work, it\u2019s time we stopped assuming and started checking<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Why They Cause Problems<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n When our brains work with assumptions alone, we open the door to a whole host of potential miscommunications. My colleagues and I see it all the time when we\u2019re assessing candidates: when we observe their conversations and ask them to reflect on their interactions, , we hear them filling in the blanks with assumptions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI tried this method because Bette was thinking about <\/strong>a quick fix.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI had to do it this way because Mo didn\u2019t have time<\/strong>…and he doesn\u2019t like<\/strong>waiting around.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n We can, in a sense, see people role-playing with themselves. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead, we could try to stop, and ask ourselves: \u201cHow can we be sure?<\/em>\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n The best possible outcome when we assume things about others is that we guess right, but we can\u2019t know how or why unless we inquire. In the worst possible scenario, we risk offending someone deeply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n With this in mind, here are two challenges I\u2019d like to pose to anyone who wants to improve their influencing skills. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Challenge #1: Ask First.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n As an observer of other\u2019s behavior, I believe that assumptions are mental shortcuts \u2013 or at least, that\u2019s what they look like at first. When we\u2019re at work, we\u2019re required to move quickly and take efficient action, so these shortcuts look attractive. Rather than investigating the situation, we fill in the blanks and charge on with what we think (or assume) we know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In the long run, this often creates more work \u2013 it\u2019s a detour. Assume incorrectly and we\u2019re all left with \u2018tweaks\u2019, \u2018amendments\u2019, or a lot of cleaning up to do. Why not just find out first?<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Challenge: <\/strong>My challenge to you, is to ask before you begin. Explore with your colleague, manager, or client before investing your energy, and you will save everyone a lot more effort in the scheme of things. If possible, ask open questions to glean even more information: \u201cTell me what your ideal design would look like…<\/em>\u201d or \u201cDescribe how you want this solution to simplify your life…\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Challenge #2: Check.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Listening is a skill, and an active one at that \u2013 people are busy; we deflect distractions all the time, and we all come to our jobs with different mental outlooks. Everyone has their perspectives, and really hearing <\/em>someone takes focus \u2013 so even the best intentions get misinterpreted. To listen authentically, you need to check. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The Challenge: <\/strong>Summarize and probe. Repeat it back if necessary, test what you\u2019ve heard and see if you\u2019re on the same wavelength. \u201cIf I\u2019ve understood you right, you\u2019d like…\u201d<\/em>of \u201cLet me double-check my understanding with you…\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Over To You<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n I guarantee that at some point, an assumption was the cause of a workplace miscommunication in your professional life. If you\u2019ve ever spent more time on a task than you needed to, or if you\u2019ve struggled to get along with a teammate, try these challenges. With fewer assumptions and more clarity, we could all benefit from better quality work, improved relationships, and less stress through the day. What do you think?<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a behavioral specialist \u2013 it’s that we aren’t mind readers. Did you need an interaction consultant to tell you that? I highly doubt it, but you’d be surprised at how often my colleagues and I find ourselves digging into different cases of miscommunication, only to find assumptions at […]<\/p>","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":570,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[316,338,15,336,337,14,109,340,341,317],"class_list":["post-568","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","tag-active-listening","tag-ask-first","tag-assumptions","tag-behavioral-specialist","tag-checking-vs-assuming","tag-communication","tag-influencing-skills","tag-miscommunication","tag-professional-relationships","tag-workplace-interactions"],"yoast_head":"\n