Have you ever met a leader who just seemed to get it?
Not because they demonstrated every trait from that “5 Signs of Great Leadership” article you read, or because they scored “Visionary” on a leadership style quiz. But because every time you interacted with them, you walked away feeling a certain way.
Heard.
Understood.
Motivated to do your best work.
That’s the kind of leadership that sticks with people—and it has little to do with ticking boxes for a “Transformational,” “Democratic,” or “Authoritative” style.
In reality, strong leadership lives in micro-moments: one-on-one check-ins, tough feedback conversations, team Zoom calls. How you show up in those everyday interactions has a huge influence, far more than any broad leadership label ever could.
And yet, the idea of “leadership style” still dominates many coaching and training programs as the go-to tool for building leadership capability.
Why?
This article explores why your interaction style is your most powerful leadership tool—and the key to unlocking greater trust, motivation, and results in your team.
Leadership Is What Happens Between People
Let’s start with what we already know: leadership isn’t something you do solo. By definition, it involves other people. And it happens constantly—in the spaces between you and those you lead. Through your communication, comments, problem-solving, and decision-making.
There’s strong scientific evidence to support this.
One major review of leadership research found that what sets great leaders apart is their observable behavior during real interactions—not their personality or philosophy (Güntner et al., 2023). Asking strategic questions, giving thoughtful direction, and pausing to listen all shape how your team experiences you.
In other words:
“Leadership is interaction. And how you interact, consistently over time, becomes your leadership fingerprint.”
Interaction Styles vs. Leadership Styles: What’s the Difference?
You’ve likely heard of traditional leadership styles like “command and control,” “coaching,” or “visionary.” While these frameworks can be helpful, they only paint in broad strokes.
Interaction styles zoom in on the finer details. They describe how you behave in specific moments—when giving feedback, clarifying a project, or navigating conflict.
And research shows it’s these micro-level behaviors that are the real difference-makers. For example:
- Leader–Member Exchange (LMX) theory shows that leaders develop different relationships with different team members. The quality of those relationships—driven by trust-based, frequent interaction—has a direct impact on engagement, clarity, and retention (Aggarwal et al., 2020).
- Interaction coding research goes a step further. Rather than asking people how their leader shows up, researchers observe real conversations and code for tone, empathy, clarity, and active listening (Güntner et al., 2023). It’s not about what leaders say about their style, but what they actually do.
- In virtual teams, where presence and charisma matter less, small, supportive behaviors (like complimenting or following up) become the defining elements of leadership (Charlier et al., 2016; Reeves, 2020).
Why Focusing on Interaction Styles Changes the Game
So, why does this shift matter?
Your interactional style matters for several reasons.
1. You Can See It, Measure It, Improve It
You may not be able to change your personality, but you can improve how clearly you communicate, how often you listen, or how constructively you give feedback. These skills are learnable and coachable.
That’s good news for anyone who wants to grow as a leader. It’s less about “Am I ‘affiliative’ enough?” and more about “How can I lead more effectively in my next conversation?”
2. It’s More Inclusive
Some people thrive in leadership roles because they’re naturally charismatic or confident. But what about quieter leaders? Analytical thinkers? Remote managers?
Focusing on interactions levels the playing field. It’s not about being the loudest voice, but the most useful voice in the moment. With focus and practice, anyone can learn to do this well.
3. It Makes Leadership Situational (In a Good Way)
Different circumstances call for different interactional—or influencing—styles. Using a framework like the Sphere of Influence as a lens, you might need to Instruct when a deadline’s looming, but Empathize when a team member is struggling.
The Sphere of Influence 360° (SOI360) model shows that strong leaders flex between styles. Because interaction styles are adaptive, context-sensitive, and impactful.
Now, how can you leverage “influencing” or “interaction styles” (versus abstract “leadership styles”) to next-level your leadership game?
From Insight to Action: Exercises to Strengthen Your Interaction Styles
You’ve likely read dozens of articles on empathy or motivation in leadership. But how many of them go beyond clichés like “relax your approach” or “create psychological safety”?
As we’ve seen, interaction or influencing style frameworks like SOI360 go beyond this by breaking leadership down into observable, teachable behaviors—like Showing Appreciation, Suggesting Solutions, or Generating Support. These aren’t abstract ideals. They’re practical skills you can build.
Below are three of the most useful exercises for improving how you influence others, based on common interaction styles used by high-trust, high-performing leaders.
3 Interaction Skills To Focus On For Stronger Leadership
Here are just three examples of influencing styles you can target to expand your toolkit, grow your self-awareness, and lay the foundation for stronger team dynamics. Find a full database of skills for all 12 styles in my SOI360 Styles Coaching Card library.
1. Showing Appreciation
A critical part of leading with empathy is the ability to strengthen relationships by showing appreciation. But you can—and should—do this even if you dont fit neatly into the “Empathetic Leadership” mold.
Those leaders who made you feel worthy and connected? This skill either comes naturally to them or they’ve deliberately learned to apply it when it’s called for.
Steps you can take to develop this style and foster more collaborative relationships:
- Reflect: Think of four colleagues and something they have done or said that you feel grateful for.
- Write: Create them each an Appreciation Card that specifically outlines what they did and the impact it had, or the unique thing about them that you value.
While it’s up to you whether you share these cards or not, this simple exercise improves your ability to notice and acknowledge the things that make a big difference but often go unmentioned.
Find some DIY cards and phrases to use on this worksheet!
2. Suggesting Solutions
From a leadership style perspective, you might think of “not micromanaging” or “being more authoritarian” when things need to be done.
This can be hard if you restrict yourself to an “Autocratic” or “Democratic” leadership style.
An interaction style approach doesn’t mean questioning your leadership self-image—simply adapting how you handle interactions fluidly. One example skill any leader can hone and adapt is the Instruct skill Suggesting Solutions.
Try this::
- Choose a situation in your team where things aren’t running smoothly (missed deadlines, repeated confusion, stalled progress).
- Identify: What’s the actual problem here? What’s the core issue vs a side effect?
- Ask: What’s already been tried? What’s worked in similar past situations—here or elsewhere?
- Generate: Write down two or three potential solutions. Include one bold or creative option.
- Offer one of these ideas the next time the topic comes up—but frame it as an idea to build on, not the final answer.
Learn more about this SOI360 skill here.
3. Generating Support
When you think of an “inspirational leader,” you might picture someone charismatic, visionary, or persuasive. That’s the leadership style view. But in practice, inspiring others often comes down to small, repeatable actions—interaction skills you can use in real time.
One of the most effective is the Inspire-style skill “Generating Support”. Rather than convincing others with passion alone, this skill is about building shared enthusiasm and making people feel like they’re part of something bigger.
How to develop this skill:
- Think of one upcoming initiative or idea where you’d like more buy-in from your team.
- Ask yourself: Why does this idea matter? What broader goal or value does it connect to?
- Then, personalize your pitch: How does this benefit or involve the people you’re speaking to?
- Craft a short message (1–2 minutes max) that shares your vision, the team’s role in it, and your genuine excitement.
- Share this message in a meeting, Slack channel, or even a 1:1—and invite reactions.
You don’t need to be a “natural motivator” to inspire others. You just need to speak from purpose and involve people in what you’re building together.
Here’s a step-by-step exercise card for this skill.
References:
- Aggarwal, A., Chand, P., Jhamb, D., & Mittal, A. (2020). Leader–member exchange, work engagement, and psychological withdrawal behavior: The mediating role of psychological empowerment. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 423.
- Charlier, S. D., Stewart, G. L., Greco, L. M., & Reeves, C. J. (2016). Emergent leadership in virtual teams: A multilevel investigation of individual communication and team dispersion antecedents. The Leadership Quarterly, 27(5), 745–764.
- Güntner, A. V., Meinecke, A. L., & Lüders, Z. E. K. (2023). Interaction coding in leadership research: A critical review and best-practice recommendations to measure behavior. The Leadership Quarterly, 34(6), 101751.
- Reeves, C. J. (2020, June 29). Study finds those who help others emerge as leaders online. Brigham Young University News.
