Conflict rarely starts with bad intentions.
It starts when people stop being curious and start being right.
As a student, I came across a story that has stayed with me ever since. On the surface, it’s about a small and very specific conflict. In reality, it shows how easily communication derails when people focus on positions instead of understanding.
The story is about two people arguing over an orange. There’s only one, and both want it.
The discussion heats up quickly. Each becomes fully focused on convincing the other why they deserve the orange more.
“I planted the tree. I took care of it. I was out there every day in the heat.”
“That may be true, but the tree is on my land. I own it.”
This could have escalated further. Instead, they keep talking.
At some point, one of them changes approach. Not another argument. Not another piece of evidence. A question that changes the direction of the conversation.
“What do you actually need the orange for?”
That single question reveals what none of the arguments had uncovered. One is interested in the seeds, the other in the juice.
Once that becomes clear, the conflict disappears almost instantly. They might have been even happier if they hadn’t spent so much energy on “fruitless” conflict.
Keep Talking
The solution seems obvious from the outside. We’re not emotionally invested in the orange.
But that distance is missing in real conversations—people tend to narrow their focus once something matters.
They stop exploring and start defending. The conversation becomes about proving a point rather than understanding what’s really at stake.
That’s when miscommunication quietly takes over.
The story points to something simple, but essential: Keep talking.
Not to repeat your argument, but to stay curious long enough to discover what else might be true.
Look beyond the object of disagreement, whether it’s a decision, a resource, or a choice, and try to understand what both sides are actually aiming for.
Why?
Because when communication stops, assumptions take its place. And assumptions rarely lead to good outcomes.
When Focus Shifts
There’s another layer to this story.
Both people stay firmly on one side of the conversation. They focus on facts, ownership, and proof. Each adds more content, hoping it will tip the balance in their favour.
This is a familiar pattern—when conversations become tense, people often respond by adding explanation or justification, convinced that clarity will solve the issue.
“Here’s why this is correct.”
“Here’s what the agreement says.”
“Here are the facts.”
In terms of influence, this is a strong focus on content. It’s about logic, arguments, and positions.
What’s missing is attention for the relationship. For the other person. For what matters to them and why.
The turning point in the story doesn’t come from better arguments. It comes from a shift in focus from content to relationship.
